Three irresistible (but not necessarily fetishistic) press stories that caught my eye in the last week…
THE LAW IS AN ASS Local councillors in Dallas, Texas are proposing a ban on the wearing of low-slung trousers that expose underwear. One of them, Ron Price, has called the fashion “embarrassing and disgusting” and says he’s “against people walking around with their pants below their buttocks”. How often he’s against them is not revealed. Nor is whether he’s just against men doing it, or whether he is also pressing for women to drop their pants-parading habits. Funny isn’t it, when you think of all the other fashion crimes that the word ‘Dallas’ evokes, flaunting your Calvins really doesn’t seem worthy of that much fuss.
GETTING AHEAD OF THE PACK A British mum who bought a pack of hot and spicy chicken wings from the supermarket found it contained an unexpected bonus — a chicken head, complete with beak, eyes and a bit of neck. “I just feel sick every time I think about it,” said Anika Cummings of Cardiff. “I won’t buy another chicken in my life.” Too right — who would ever have guessed the little f***ers once had heads, eh? Anyway, my advice to her is to pop along with a freezer bag to Downing Street, where a whole cabinet full of headless chickens will soon be going cheap. Meanwhile, another supermarket shopper has just discovered a three-legged frog — alive — in a packet of watercress. Efforts by the store to persuade the customer that this was considered as lucky as finding a four-leaf clover have so far proved unsuccessful.
THERE’S GOTH TO BE AN ALTERNATIVE As the autumn arrives and brings the goth look to a high street near you, we’ll be faced with the prospect of a lot of extremely ungothly Z-list celebs undergoing moody makeovers that their personal stylists assure them are necessary if they are not to fall behind in the fashion stakes. So it was predictable that after Victoria Beckham ‘went goth’ with black-painted fingernails a couple of weeks ago, that other shopaholic WAG Coleen McLoughlin (aka Mrs Wayne Rooney) would want to go further. Colleen duly appeared done up in black from the tip of her lace-up stiletto kneeboots to the top of her top hat in a photo shoot for celebrity rag Closer, who tagged her story ‘I’m a secret vamp’. Yes, of course you are dear. Please, make it stop now.
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